How can you tell if she may become a Brideszilla?

Bridezillas, you know them… you love them…ON TV!

But what if they were in your own backyard?

With the holidays over and a shiny ring sparkling on many newly engaged brides, bridesmaids proposals are in full swing. After all, the Bridal Bazaar and other wedding expos are coming and the bride needs her full army, a.k.a. the bridesmaids, with her to navigate the treacherous waters of the bridal expo.So how do you know if that innocent question, “Will you be my bridesmaid” will be the most dangerous question ever asked?

Take this quick survey to find out if your friend or relative has the potential of becoming hell on heels once she puts on that wedding gown.

1. Can your friend go from 0 – Bitchy in less than 3.5 seconds?

2. Are other friends already warning you?

3. Is your friend a type A personality: super-organized borderline OCD, driven, dominating, out-spoken or brash?

4. Does your friend have expensive or very particular tastes?

5. Does your friend criticize your taste in clothing, men, everything….?

6. Overall, do they have princess syndrome or have a very high opinion of themselves?

7. Is your friend passive-agressive and manipulative?

8. Do they demand being the constant center of attention?

9. Does she have low self-esteem?

10. Is it difficult for her to make a decision or communicate?

Results

0-5   Yes answers: Proceed with care. She has some warning signs that she may be a difficult bride to work with. Stress can aggravate things that usually appear minor and it can lead to full-on drama.

6-10 Yes answers: Run for the hills! J/K.. but you do need to be warned and take necessary precautions to reign in the brides expectations. Be clear and direct on what you are and are not willing to do. Be wary of manipulation and “But It’s My Day!” syndrome.

                     http://www.weddingbycolor.com/princessd/milestones/16913 

The Bridesmaid Misunderstanding

While sitting around waiting for presents to be opened on Christmas day, the subject of weddings inevitably came up and as soon as I mentioned the word “Maid of Honor,” my cousin grimaced in the most tortured way.

When I asked her, she said that to this day, almost four years after the wedding, she was still not talking to the bride. She said that being her Maid of Honor had torn their relationship apart. As we discussed this, each person in the circle brought up the numerous instances that they knew about of friendships biting the dust in the wake of pre-marital event planning. Even my brother said that most of his female friends that were in the bridal party for various weddings said that they were still upset with someone in the bridal party or with the bride herself.

The next day at my in-laws home, I broached the same subject to a group that had in that year thrown three weddings for two family members and a friend. Everyone unanimously agreed that the stress of planning such a big event had put a strain on many of their friendships and relationships. Most of them said that they never wanted to be a bridesmaid or Maid of Honor again.

This is so sad. It should be a privilege and honor. Since when did being a bridesmaid become a divisive and drama-filled position? Why should something that should be pulling people together, be so successful at driving them apart?

I have collected their thoughts and now I’d like yours. What is making being a bridesmaid such a drag? Why are people hiding out, hoping that their friend will not ask them to be a bridesmaid?

For the newly engaged bride- How to choose your Maid of Honor and Bridesmaids

You’re engaged! Congrats on experiencing one of the happiest moments in life! Now you ask… what now? How do I begin?

Weddings are a big project and you cannot do it alone. So it’s time to choose your Maid of Honor and Bridesmaids.

By following the tips below, you can minimize the drama, stress, miscommunication and outright chaos that can occur if you choose too casually your team for your bridal journey. The following will help you retain the friendships you have chosen to honor by asking them to be a part of your bridal party.

#1 Choose your Maid of Honor wisely

I know you’ve probably already had your Maid of Honor chosen in your mind before a ring was ever a twinkle in your boyfriends’ eye. But take a step back and really think about it. This is an important decision, as the Maid of Honor will be coordinating your largest pre-wedding events like your Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party. Not to mention, she will be your point of contact for you and family members, the groom, vendors, the bridal party, etc.

Ultimately, people who have been in a bridal party before or have been a Maid of Honor before are good candidates. But as long as she is detail-oriented, organized and has the time and money to commit to this large project, experience may not be the most important factor.

There are websites, like BFFbridesmaid.com, that can help with organizing, tools, and guides but the Maid of Honor still has to sift through a lot of information and ultimately bears the largest burden financially over everyone else.

It will be better if the Maid of Honor lives in the same city or is willing to come and be with you for the numerous appointments, fittings, parties, etc. that come with being a Maid of Honor. Make sure she is flexible, patient, a good communicator, and is decisive and it will make your life a lot easier.

#2  Will you be my Maid of Honor?

Once you have chosen your lucky right-hand gal, do it right by making a memorable formal proposal to ask her to be your Maid of Honor. You can find a list of Maid of Honor and Bridesmaid proposals on this blog.

#3 Communicate

Communicate, communicate, COMMUNICATE!! I cannot stress this enough! Communication is the leading cause for friendship breakups through the bridal process. If you cared enough to make this girl your Maid of Honor, then you should care enough to want to keep this friendship afterwards. You need to communicate with her from the beginning to the end and a million times in between.

When you ask her to be your Maid of Honor, sit down with her for an hour and tell her directly and honestly what you expect of her. What is the timeline? What pre-wedding events do you plan to have? What events do you expect her or the bridesmaid to plan? What kind of event are you envisioning for the events you want her to plan. Large and extravagent, small and casual, something out of the ordinary? Are you hoping they’ll take you on a girlfriend getaway out of the city?

Be open and flexible if what you are expecting is deemed unpractical or undoable by your Maid of Honor. She is here to keep your expectations under control so that you will not be disappointed. Check if she has anything in her calendar already planned so you can avoid any conflicts.

#4  Money: Keep budgets in check!

Ask her what kind of budget she may be thinking about for each event and how much out of her paycheck, she can set aside to budget for the events, the dress, hair and makeup and whatever else she needs to save for. Be direct on what you expect her and the bridesmaids to pay for: the dress, the shoes, hair and makeup, bridal shower, bachelorette party, gifts for each event, favors, invitations, etc. Make sure she feels safe enough to tell you when you are being unreasonable or not keeping people’s budget’s in mind. It is your day, but everyone else still has their life, their bills and their limits on their disposable income. If you work as a team to meet together in the middle, there will be less disappointment and resentment in the end. The goal is to get as close to your expectations as possible without breaking their banks.

#5 Bridesmaid choices

Now that you have a general idea of timelines, events, and budgets, you are ready to choose your bridesmaids. This should also be done with care as haphazard choosing can lead to clashing personalities, drama and unsolicited stress.

Make sure you choose people who can dedicate some extra time and money to the events, whose personality works well with others and who won’t try to steal your spotlight through drama and fussiness.

Ideally, bridesmaids who live in the same city are optimal but if the Maid of Honor can be organized this is not mandatory. Make sure your Maid of Honor is a part of the bridesmaid choosing process since she will ultimately be the one working closely with the other bridesmaids.

When you ask your bridesmaids, be upfront about timelines, budgets and expectations and don’t be offended if they cannot accept your proposal. It is better for you to have people 100% on board and excited about being your bridesmaid, then to have bridesmaids who accepted out of obligation and didn’t really have the time and extra money to commit.

Just as you asked the Maid of Honor, make your proposal to the bridesmaids special, meaningful and unforgettable. You can find suggestions on this blog..